Wonderful Past

Life is about love & relationships and mad FUN: Family, friends & pets. We are embarking on a new chapter of our life; The Adoption of Our First Child!

Sunday, July 31, 2005

"Nothing to Fear but Fear Itself........."

I was thinking about my life and all the times that I didn't do what I really wanted to do because I was "scared." I have an extreme anxiety disorder, that I have finally come to terms with but in the past big decisions were really hard for me to make. I would make myself sick over them. Had I not made some really hard decisions that I have made in the past because I was scared, I would not be where I am today.

The biggest decision I had to make, was leaving California in August of 1998 to make the move to Michigan. This was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. What made it really hard, was that prior to the move, I had made some decisions that where not so great. But I had to get past the idea that people might think I was crazy for moving on my own to a city that I didn't have any family or friends in, or even a job etc. I fought day and night, feelings of terror that I might fail again. But I prayed and and I asked God for guidance, and that more I prayed, the less fear I had. My grandparents, my parents, my brothers, my aunt and cousin and all my friends thought I was making a huge mistake.

In the end, had I not made the decision to move here, I would not be married to the most AWESOME husband in the world, nor would I have the awesome job that I have with one of the best companies to work for in the nation. I would not have my friends, house, or boat. Some may say that is material, and I disagree. I just think it is being thankful for everthing I have been given by the Lord.

Thanks to a co-worker and friend I realized, that If I hadn't of moved to MI, my brother Jason might be dead. I don't credit his awesome changes to myself, I credit them to God, but I also know for a fact that If I hadn't moved to MI, Jason would not have moved here and started school again. He is almost done, and has made some huge changes over the last couple of years. I am really proud of him and I am excited for what the Lord has in store for him.

But mostly, Thank the Lord for helping me learn that there really is nothing to fear but fear itself.

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