"Nothing to Fear but Fear Itself........."

I was thinking about my life and all the times that I didn't do what I really wanted to do because I was "scared." I have an extreme anxiety disorder, that I have finally come to terms with but in the past big decisions were really hard for me to make. I would make myself sick over them. Had I not made some really hard decisions that I have made in the past because I was scared, I would not be where I am today.

The biggest decision I had to make, was leaving California in August of 1998 to make the move to Michigan. This was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. What made it really hard, was that prior to the move, I had made some decisions that where not so great. But I had to get past the idea that people might think I was crazy for moving on my own to a city that I didn't have any family or friends in, or even a job etc. I fought day and night, feelings of terror that I might fail again. But I prayed and and I asked God for guidance, and that more I prayed, the less fear I had. My grandparents, my parents, my brothers, my aunt and cousin and all my friends thought I was making a huge mistake.

In the end, had I not made the decision to move here, I would not be married to the most AWESOME husband in the world, nor would I have the awesome job that I have with one of the best companies to work for in the nation. I would not have my friends, house, or boat. Some may say that is material, and I disagree. I just think it is being thankful for everthing I have been given by the Lord.

Thanks to a co-worker and friend I realized, that If I hadn't of moved to MI, my brother Jason might be dead. I don't credit his awesome changes to myself, I credit them to God, but I also know for a fact that If I hadn't moved to MI, Jason would not have moved here and started school again. He is almost done, and has made some huge changes over the last couple of years. I am really proud of him and I am excited for what the Lord has in store for him.

But mostly, Thank the Lord for helping me learn that there really is nothing to fear but fear itself.

Directly From My Father-in-Law

Freud's First Slip

I saw this comic at my father-in-law's house about a month ago. I thought it was hysterical. I thought some of you might enjoy it. He has a lot of great things like this. He also forwards some awesome articles. My brother-in law, J., posts a lot of them.

CHECK OUT J"S BLOG

Also, if anyone loves POKER, I seriously suggest you DROP everything and head to J's blog for some sersious advice.

A Love Letter to My Husband

Matt & Gator (our old foster dog)

A Love Letter to My Husband

Love Never Fails

I Corinthians 13:8

Dearest Matt,

There are no words to describe how thankful I am that God brought us together. Yesterday, I looked at my little desk calendar that has a verse for every day on it, and this verse was the verse of the day. As I pondered it, I realized how true this verse really is.

We may have our disagreements and tiffs, but LOVE has not yet failed us. We always make it through the difficult times. I love you so much and know that we are much stronger today than we were four years ago. As time passes, I believe that our love will be indestructible. I believe that our desire to have God in the middle of our relationship is what makes it so solid.

I can't express how grateful I am that you have slaved over me for the last three weeks, while I have been sick. I know it wasn't easy. You are such a great husband. I know that I don't always tell you that. I wish that you could know how many times a day that I think of you. It has to be thousands. I can't imagine my life without you.

You are such a strong, brilliant, and loving person. You will always be successful. I am so proud of all that you have accomplished.

I am so excited to grow old with you.

I just want you to know that there is no one like you and everyday I pray for you. I pray that God gives you strength, wisdom, and patience. I see your desire to be the best christian you can and I do notice all the changes you have made over the years. I know you think I don't notice but I do. You are such a huge anchor in my life.

I know it isn't our anniversary until October, but I want you to know that I look forward to all the years we have in our future.

Thank you for being you.

I love you.

Your Devoted Wife,
Ster

Red Neck Logic - From my Grandma Rose

Ok - This is funny.

Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.
A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement, announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away. Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde! We ask for the height, and she gives us the length!"

Ok, I am over my anger.

I went to see my family doctor this morning. She only allowed me to take the IV drug FORTAZ under her supervision, since I have a penicillin allergy. We had a long discussion about this doctor thing, she was extremely upset about what happened. I told her I felt guilty calling her when I was seeing the specialist and she said that I should have had her paged. She also said that what I just went through is unacceptable. So I take back what I said about ALL DOCTORS. But I still wonder about them.

Here is the type of infection I have:
Pseudomonas

Read about it if you want.

Oh and by the way, I get to start taking AMBIEN, so I can finally get some rest It has been about 5 years since I have had a complete nights sleep.

And another thing, I also get to take Effexor XR for the SEVERE General Anxiety Disorder I have. I had a long conversation with my sister -in-law Sarah on wed and I realized that my constant worrying and longing to be perfect at everything in life just isn't normal. Instead of feeling guilty about wanting to be perfect, I decided to talk to doc about it. I get to have therapy and take this new medicine. I would like to say that, although I do have some minor symptoms of depression, I am taking this medicine as a way to control the constant worrying and panic attacks that I experience (over things such as spilling a cup of water on the counter.) It isn't worth having a heart attack because I spilled water. Just imagine if it was coffee or juice.

Seeing as I have spent the last 7 years of my life trying to manage all this stuff on my own and NOT take any medicine, I seem to be loading up on it now. HOWEVER, I DO NOT and HAVE NOT EVER believed that life was supposed to be so frustrating. Thanks to my grandma, I realize that GOD put people on earth who are smart enough to discover these treatments, we should be smart enough to use them when appropriate. SO, I give in, and I guess...in the words of Bobby Brown

IT's my perogative.

An update on Kidney Problems, and another DOCTOR SCREWS UP

Ok, this is the best way for me to tell everyone at once about my current kidney situation:

on June 29th, I was diagnosed with another kidney infection, I went to my specialist to get the results of an IVP X-ray I had taken in early June. I felt this infection coming on the day before my appointment so I made sure that after we talked about the results of the IVP I told him my back was hurting (my back only hurts like this when I have kidney infections and I usually get them 2 times a year). He tested me and found that I did have an infection. He gave me three Cipro pills (I take every time I get these stupid things) and said he was sending the tests in to be cultured (to see if it was resistant to any medicine). He told me they would call me with results on Friday and if I didn't hear anything by noon to to call his office in Grand Rapids. So I hadn't heard anything from his office at 1:0o on friday.

The importance of knowing what the results where by Friday, was so that I did not have to go Sat-Tues (4th of July weekend without enough meds to kill this sunavabitchen thing off). So I called his office, they told me they still didn't have the results and that someone would call me later. Well at 4:30 i got home and there was a message from the dr's office "your results are negative, continue to finish the cipro the doc gave you."

So, I did and Sun I had the typical back pain (which would register a 9 on the richter scale) This pain prevents me from walking, sleeping, thinking, functioning etc. I don't know if you have ever had kidney pain, but it is more painful than childbirth (so I have heard from those who have had kids, and have kidney pain.) Needless to say, this is a good indication that my infection has gotten a lot worse. Luckily, in April when I had my last infection, my family doc gave me 1 refill on the tylenol 3. But, even with pain meds, I could hardly move. That tells you how bad it was.

Needless to say, on wed (about 10 minutes before I was going to call my family doc and tell her I think the specialist has his head up his ass) I get a call from the specialists office:
"umm Sarah"

I said "yes, this is Sarah"

The nurse said "we are calling to let you know that the results you received on Friday about your culture were incorrect, we actually have the report here back from the hospital and you have a resistant bacterial infection that cannot be killed by any antibiotic in a pill form, it is resistant to Cipro, levaquin and other big guns. we are sorry that you had to wait and doc wants to put you on 1000 mg a day of Cipro 500 for 10 days, if you are not better than you have to have an IV."

I was pist off. "First off, I have gone 5 days without meds, second, why the hell are you making me take 1000 mg of something that my bacteria is resistant too???"

"We are sorry, we just mixed up the reports, our office did one, and the hospital did one, and we didn't see the hospital results until now."

"And so why do I have to take something that my bacteria is resistant too?"

"We have to start of conservative for insurance purposes"

ok - so I take the Cipro, and I continue to take tylenol 3 for the next ten days, nothing happens, I am actually feeling ready to die, and scared to death because I couldn't even think straight.

I go to my specialist on wed 7/13 - they decide that I have one choice (SINCE I AM ALLERGIC TO PENICILLIN) to take an IV treatment of a cousin of penicillin, that I could have severe reactions to, 2x a day for the next 7 days, exactly 12 hours apart. 6:00 am and 6:00 pm

So, I am now walking around with a heplock in my arm and a cover so I don't tear the gage out of my arm.

The good news, most of you know I have had my share of sickness over the last four years, and basically what is thought to be the case is :I have been walking around with an elevated level of this bacteria for four years. It causes bronchial problems, flu like symptoms, and UTI's. It is nice to know that there is an actual reason for why, when I get stressed out, I get really sick. I have a weakened immune system, and this is a nasty bug. I get tired, it kicks my butt. This IV thing is gonna take care of that.

What bothers me about this is - like with the pituitary tumor, why didn't the past two urologists I have seen, ever test my urine culture? It seems to be basic knowledge. I seriously think Doctors need to be called out when stuff like this happens. I would much rather they do a actual test, then to allow them the confidence of "DIAGNOSIS BY KNOWING SYMPTOMS" In the words of JOHN STOSSEL "GIVE ME A BREAK!" I am so tired of it. By all means, I realize there are many frivolous lawsuits filed out there, and I am pretty damn conservative, but when I am experiencing a LEVEL 9 pain for 15 days because you "mixed up the results." THAT IS WRONG! I SEE NOW, WHY PEOPLE FILE SUITS.

THIS STORY IS NOT OPEN FOR DEBATE - if you have a problem with this, you can leave whatever comment you like, but AS FOR ME AND MY HOUSE - (previous statement that was here has been retracted by the author)

AUSFAHRT - hmmmmm?????

German Park.

Ever heard of a German Beer Festival? Four years ago this summer our friends Greg and Nicole turned us on to the German Beer Festival that is held every summer in Ann Arbor. It takes place in a German Park that is fenced in, and has real live outhouse type restrooms with holes in the dirt. There is German beer, wine, and food. This is where I had my first piesporter wine. Not to mention, the most fabulous spatzen (sp?) noodles.

It is such fun! You go with your friends and you hang out while drinking "BUCKETS" of beer or glasses of wine. I find it to be fascinating. I have some great memories from the past three years that include: wine spillage on my head, ice cream cones dumped onto wood chips (ring any bells nicole?), my husband dancing on wood picnic tables, my husband telling a pizza delivery guy he would do his taxes free of charge (funny considering the guy filed a 1040EZ) and last but not least, my husband and his best friend Greg almost getting chased out of the park by some drunk guy. All hilarious happenings if you were there to experience them in person. However, last summer Greg and Nicole didn't go, and neither did my husband. Last year, I went with my brother Jason, our friends Dejana & Aaron, and my friends Andrea and Tom. Now, it figures that it would be with these guys, that I would bring my camera and take this picture. It also figures, that it would be with this group that we would try to determine what the sign said as we left german park, after quite a few drinks.

I am sure you are saying, what the heck does that say?

Well, sound it out and you will come to the same conclusion we did.

Tommy Boy 

Tommy Boy & 50 First Dates

Tommy Boy & 50 First Dates, what do they have to do with each other???

So I am sure most of you have seen both of these movies. They are both on my list of favorites. Tommy Boy is on my top ten list. I love this movie. I have seen it so many times, it is probably pathetic. Anyway, in watching 50 First Dates again for like the 20th time yesterday, I realized that there is a significant tie to Tommy Boy. I guess it is subtle, because I never really noticed it before but I sure did today.

Here it is:

In 50 First Dates, Lucy (Drew Barrymore) has a head injury and has lost her short term memory after getting into a car accident one day, while picking a pineapple with her father for his birthday. Henry (Adam Sandler) falls in love with her, and starts to make videos for her everymorning so she can remember him.

The connection to Tommy Boy:

One day Henry accompanies Lucy, her father Marlin and Brother Doug to the Callahan Memory Institute to visit Dr. Keats (Dan Aykroyd - who is Ray Zalinsky in Tommy Boy). During this scene Dr. Keats tells Henry that "the Callahan Institute is funded by T.B.Callahan of Callahan Auto Parts based out of Sandusky, OH" I couldn't believe it. It was awesome! I have seen this movie more times than I can count and I never made the connection until yesterday.

Now some of you might be saying "who cares?"

I do. I love Adam Sandler, Chris Farley, Chris Rock, Phil Hartman, Will Ferrel, David Spade, and anyone who was really ever a cast member of SNL, I could go on and on.

Why was Callahan even mentioned in 50 First Dates?

First off, both movies where directed by Peter Segal. Peter has also directed a few of my other favorite movies; Anger Management (Adam Sandler & Jack Nickolson), The Longest Yard (Chris Rock, Adam Sandler & Burt Reynolds) & Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (Eddie Murphy).

Second - Sandler and Akroyd ( not to mention all the SNL current and past cast members) regarded Chris Farley as a great comedian. He could have been one of the greats had his life not been cut short do to an overzealous coke habit. His comedy was very physical, kind of like Jim Carrey or Steve Martin and he was a great friend to a lot of people. David Spade still has a hard time talking about Farley. I am sure everytime they make a movie with the SNL Alum they wonder what Farley could have played in the film. Remember the Crazy -little-kid-lunch-eating bus driver he played on billy Madison??? AWESOME. It is no wonder why they mention him when they can.

This Tidbit is for those who always doubt me (for every Sandler flick that we go see) when I say "watch Allen Covert, that guy who played the Limo Driver in wedding singer is going to be in this movie somewhere, just keep your eyes open"

The Tidbit:

If you have seen 50 First Dates, then you should remember "10 Second Tom" He is the guy who can't remember anything for more than 10 seconds and is played by Allen Covert. He has been in 13 of Sandlers last 15 films and and three of Drew Barrymore's. Here is a list of the movies, and who he played.

The Longest Yard (2005) .... Referee
50 First Dates (2004) .... Ten Second Tom
Anger Management (2003) .... Andrew
Eight Crazy Nights (2002) (voice) .... Old Lady, Bus Driver & Mayor's Wife
Mr. Deeds (2002) .... Marty
Little Nicky (2000) .... Todd
Late Last Night (1999) (TV) (as Alan Coert) .... Coked Guy
Big Daddy (1999) .... Phil D'Amato
Never Been Kissed (1999) .... Roger
Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo (1999) .... Vic
The Waterboy (1998) .... Walter
The Wedding Singer (1998) .... Sammy
Bulletproof (1996) .... Detective Jones
Happy Gilmore (1996) .... Otto
Heavy Weights (1995) .... Kenny
Airheads (1994) .... Cop
Going Overboard (1989) .... Bartender... aka Babes Ahoy

This may be pointless information to some of you, but, I LOVE THESE GUYS. It just cracks me up.

Happy July!!!

Anyone who knows me, knows that I love Gerbera Daisies.
I love this verse. It rocks!

Happy 4th of July - Let Freedom Ring~

Let freedom ring
Let the white dove sing
Let the whole world know that todayIs a day of a reckoning
Let the weak be strong
Let the right be wrong
Roll the stone away
Let the guilty pay
It's Independence Day

By Martina McBride

Celebrate! 

Our Flag!